I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
