woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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