by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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