Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
