I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
