I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
