They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
