At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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