her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
