Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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