she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
NoShamevember. You game?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The Olympian is in my bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
