whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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