Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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