I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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