I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
