i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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