saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
