I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
