I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
