You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
