if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize