so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
