she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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