Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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