Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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