i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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