i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
