Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
