mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
