"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
