you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize