I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
