you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
