tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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