her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
