You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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