i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She bit a glass in half.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
