i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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