Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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