This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
