just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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