Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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