it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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