normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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