I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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