Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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