my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
