I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
