My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
