fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
