i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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