I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
