Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
