They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
