Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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