I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
