i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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