i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
