he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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