Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
